Dogs Compared to Men and Women and Kids

How Dogs and Men Are the Same: (men keep reading, you'll get your turn)

• Both take up too much space on the bed.
• Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
  
• Both mark their territory.
  
• Neither tells you what's bothering them.
  
• The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
  
• Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
  
• Neither does any dishes.
  
• Both fart shamelessly.
  
• Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
  
• Both like dominance games.
  
• Both are suspicious of the postman.
  
• Neither understands what you see in cats.

How Dogs Are Better than Men:

• Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
  
• Dogs miss you when you're gone.
  
• Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
  
• Dogs admit when they're jealous.
  
• Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
  
• Dogs do not play games with you - except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)
  
• You can train a dog.
  
• Dogs are easy to buy for.
  
• The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
  
• Dogs understand what "no" means.
  
• Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Top Ten Reasons Why a Dog Is Better than a Woman:

• A dog's parents will never visit you.
  
• A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
  
• A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
  
• A dog never expects you to telephone.
  
• A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
  
• A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
  
• A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.
  
• A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
  
• The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
  
• A dog does not shop.

Why Dogs Are Better Than Kids

• It doesn't take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside in the winter.
• Dogs cannot lie.
• Dogs never resist nap time.
• You don't need to get extra phone lines for a dog.
• Dogs don't pester you about getting a kid.
• Dogs don't care if the peas have been touched by the mashed potatoes.
• Dogs are housebroken by the time they are 12 weeks old.
• Your dog is not embarrassed if you sing in public.
• Average cost of sending a dog to school: $42
• Average cost of sending a kid: $103,000