Life lessons learned from a dog:

• If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
  
• Don't go out without ID.
  
• Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by pissing on their shoes.
  
• Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
  
• Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
  
• Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is effective.
  
• When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged out from under the bed).
  
• If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.